Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in bohemianforever's LiveJournal:

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Thursday, January 10th, 2008
3:20 pm	http://www.hewett.norfolk.sch.uk/CURRIC/soc/Theory.htm (Comment on this)
3:19 pm	sociology  (August Comte, 1830s) “Sociology is the study of  Social facts and the ways in which society influences the behaviours of individuals. 1.      Perspectives CONFLICT/CONSENSUS MARXISM                                                                          FUNCTIONALISM (Human Marxism)   & (Structural Marxism)               (Durkheim 1855-1917)        Micro-Sociology  Studies of Individuals within Society   Major Theories of Sociology   Theory of Deviance Deviance is any behaviour that violates social norm and is usually of sufficient severity to warrant disapproval from the majority of society. Deviance can be criminal or non- criminal. Today, Americans consider such activities as alcoholism, excessive gambling, being nude in public places, playing with fire, stealing, lying, refusing to bathe, purchasing the services of prostitutes and cross dressing—to name a few—as deviant. People who refer to deviant behaviour are referred to as deviants.   The concept of deviant is complex because it comes across many different norms, which vary considerably across groups, times and places. In other words, what one group would deem acceptable, another group would consider deviant. For example, in some parts of the world such as Malaysia, Indonesia and Muslim Africa, women are circumcised. In America, only boys are circumcised; the thought of female circumcision, or female genital mutilation as it is known in the United States, is unthinkable.   Differential – association Theory Edwin Sutherland coined the term “differential associate” to address the issue of how people learn deviance. According to this theory, the environment plays a large role in deciding which norms people learn to violate. Specifically, people within a particular reference group provide norms of conformity and deviance, and thus heavily influence the way other people look at the world, including how they react. People also learn their norms from various socializing agents—parents, teachers, ministers, family, friends, co-workers, and the media. In short, people learn criminal behavior, like other behaviors, from their interactions with others, especially in intimate groups. The differential-association theory applies to many types of deviant behaviour. For example, juvenile gangs provide an environment in which young people learn to become criminals. These gangs define themselves as countercultural and glorify violence, retaliation, and crime as means to achieving social status. Gang members learn to be deviant as they embrace and conform to their gang's norms.   Anomie Theory Anomie refers to the confusion that arises when social norms conflict or don’t even exist. In the 1960s, Robert Merton used the term to describe the differences between socially accepted goals and the availability of means to achieve those goals. Merton stressed, for instance, that attaining wealth is a major goal of Americans, but not all Americans possess the means to do this, especially members of minority and disadvantaged groups. Those who find the “road to riches” closed to them experience anomie, because an obstacle has thwarted their pursuit of a socially approved goal. When this happens, these individuals may employ deviant behaviors to attain their goals, retaliate against society, or merely “make a point.”       Control Theory According to Walter Reckless's control theory, both inner and outer controls work against deviant tendencies. People may want—at least some of the time—to act in deviant ways, but most do not. They have various restraints: internal controls, such as conscience, values, integrity, morality, and the desire to be a “good person”; and outer controls, such as police, family, friends, and religious authorities. Travis Hirschi noted that these inner and outer restraints form a person's self-control, which prevents acting against social norms. The key to developing self-control is proper socialization, especially early in childhood. Children who lack this self-control, then, may grow up to commit crimes and other deviant behaviors. Labelling Theory A type of symbolic interaction, labeling theory concerns the meanings people derive from one another's labels, symbols, actions, and reactions. This theory holds that behaviors are deviant only when society labels them as deviant. As such, conforming members of society, who interpret certain behaviors as deviant and then attach this label to individuals, determine the distinction between deviance and non-deviance. Labeling theory questions who applies what label to whom, why they do this, and what happens as a result of this labeling. Powerful individuals within society—politicians, judges, police officers, medical doctors, and so forth—typically impose the most significant labels. Labeled persons may include drug addicts, alcoholics, criminals, delinquents, prostitutes, sex offenders, retarded people, and psychiatric patients, to mention a few. The consequences of being labeled as deviant can be far-reaching. Social research indicates that those who have negative labels usually have lower self-images, are more likely to reject themselves, and may even act more deviantly as a result of the label. Unfortunately, people who accept the labeling of others—be it correct or incorrect—have a difficult time changing their opinions of the labeled person, even in light of evidence to the contrary.           Structuralism – Conception of Individual and society The individual is born into an ongoing social system, which exist independently of and determines his or her behaviour. The individual acts accordingly to the "script" laid down by society. The values, institutions and culture of society shape actions and roles. These are acquired in the process of socialisation. Functionalism Functionalism is often referred to as the “consensus” theory because it doesn’t address the issue of conflict in society, rather it projects an ideal picture of harmonious social relationships. The starting point of all Functionalism is that all societies have certain basic needs - functional requirements which must be met if a society is to survive. Functionalists are therefore concerned with the contribution the various parts of a society make towards those needs. All Functionalism is concerned with the basic need and desirability for social order and stability to prevail in society. Explaining Social Order In explaining the basis of social order in societies the starting point for Functionalists is to look at whole societies and not the individual; they explore the ways in which the various parts which make up a society function to maintain social order. Emile Durkheim draws an analogy between the way a biological organism works and society. The various organs of a living thing work together in order to maintain a healthy whole in much the same way that various institutions in society work together to produce social order. Central Value System Functionalists believe that the basis of an orderly society is the existence of a central value system that imposes common values on all its members. Therefore, when Functionalists look at the ways in which the various parts of society contribute to bringing about social order they are mainly concerned with the ways in which these parts help to perpetuate and maintain this common value system. Examples of Central Value Systems Include : Equality of Opportunity, Christian moral values, Materialism, Democracy, Productivity. Map of Sociological Theory Macro-Sociology Study of Society as a whole 2.      Relationship between Individual and Society STRUCTURALISM Society Shapes Individuals 3.      Nature of Sociology POSITIVISM         (Comment on this)
Friday, December 21st, 2007
3:17 pm	FUCK YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU I am addicted to cabbage right now. And I'm eating a lot of garlic Startin new years (actually dec. 28th) i'm going on a eat clean diet which is nothin processed, canned, chemical etc lots of organic and natural stuff like veggies, fruits, nuts etc occasionally 3-4x a week lean chicken, beef and fish. i think this is a better way to lose weight then like eatin sumthin once a day and starvin for 15 hours, or like....eating massive amounts of frozen veggie.s so i'll just hit the supermarket get fresh veggies lots of antioxidant rich ones, and make healthy meals and bring a handful of almonds and some fruit to school and evening classes.  i look OKAY , like i'm obviously a whale but I know if I continue to eat a lot of cabbage, some turkey for Christmas, but mostly salads and veggies and fruits, I'll eventually have my jeans be loose on me by New Years :) how fantastic is that? and i'm begun to make SMALL changes in my diet such as drink at least 9 cups of water before bed, I've tripled my consumption of fruits (i've eating a lot of clementines, persimmon, some blackberries, appleS) and i cut myself a small piece of cake yesterday ate 3 bites and gave the rest to my roomate. its about discipline and habit...and i'll definitely focus on that for the 2008. Now excuse me while I finish making my deliciosu cabbage salad with fresh garlic, red onion, vinegar and lemon. XXX i'll post back to see if this plan is maken me any thinner  (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, December 17th, 2007
1:26 pm	WORST WEEKED EVER..FOOD WISE Okay Holiday season is NO excuse to eat CHOCOLATE CAKES CHEESECAKES CHOCOLATE DOUBLE FUDGE BROWNIES LASAGNA FRIES PIZZA TWOOOOO (2) !!! BAGELS WITH CREAM CHEESE CRACKERS PEPPRONI/BOLOGNA OMG... i am SO SCARED to see how much weigh I'll gain. I've almost gained 10 lbs since I was sick a few weeks ago. UGh. so yeah im like tryign my best to only eat fruit and veggies and not too much cuz i dont want much calories i need to just not gain from this weekend then continue losing. drinkin water and herbal teas is helping keep me full. im soooo terrible, hpefully, i'll get back on track in 4 or 5 days ugh.   (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, December 16th, 2007
9:26 pm	Discipline...Do You Have It In You Dearest Journal dear, Ugggh. So I woke up CRAVING sweets and I had brownies, cake and lasagna. Like wtf. And thennn I said, if I eat this--I cant eat nuthen else today. Then like around 6pm I had another brownie and two sweet granola bars. My body is liek CRAVING sweets like a drug!!! I had to drink like 3 cups of green tea and 5 cups of water, and I'm hittin the gym soon. And more tea/water tonight. Then tomorrow I officially start my 2 week sof like barely eatin..Just to keep me alive a couple cut fruit like we have a lot of apples and tangerines and sum veggies and ton sof water is all I need. Anything more and I'll DEFINITELY gain from this horrendous weekend. Everyone has weekend like this once in a while, so the best thing to do is take responsibility for it and just do what you have to do to fix it. In my case, due to the amount of fat-gaining things like white-sugar infested vanilla and cheesecakes and fatty fried carbs---It's an extreme such as eating like one fruit a day. I have to do it. I f***ed up, so I pay the consequences. It WILL be a huge difficult challenge but I mustn't give in unless I want thunder thighs and jiggle fat arms for ever. If I ever want my 26 size Guess jeans to be loose on me......I must be strong. I will go look @ some thinspo now. Time for discpline liek I've never seen it. (Comment on this)
12:52 am	The Weather Outside is Frightful.... But the central heating inside the lofthouse is delightful. Or at least warming, to say the least. I have been sooo SLACKING with my diet. I've gained a lot, I'm looking like a comfy chubby girl. I went to a buffet today , a ritzy Front St place where I ate enough chocolate cake, cheesecake and brownies to satisfy ANY sweet tooth for a month! And on top of that, pizza...man the list is RIDICULOUS...but all that cake and all those sweets ackk. straight to the thighs/bum area!!!  OBVIOUSLY from now til like forever lol I have to only eat fruits and veggies which we have a lot of at home. Unfortunately, right now everyone is cooking sooo much and I'm like PLEASE DONT FEED ME..BE SEFLISH AND EAT IT ALLLLL. But no, I'm offered and I eat. I know I'm a pig. But life is really great, so I have been eating cuz I'm happy. I eat when I'm at home though, not out in the day. I should bring snacks with me. Like already-cut tangerines and celery sticks. It sounds cliche, but thats what I need to eat if I ever want to be skinny.  I've been shopping a lot, not really caring about the debt and stuff lol. It doesn't seem important right now (as I'm a very irresponsible and naive teenager ) and of course I'm extremely materialistic and I've satisfied a bit of my Shopping Tooth for now. I am going to put only screamo, rock, soft rock , techno, house and electro on my iPOD. Absolutely no rap LOL. Ewww. Just tons of Alesana and 30 seconds from mars, PATD , System of a Down, , AFI, MCR....fall out boy, Disturbed. Finch. Very awesome, cuz I usually had to listen to other ppl's music on their ipods and most SUCK except like a couple Billy talent and green day songs. But yeah, shopping is awesome. Anyway, I cleaned my lair so I'm happy. Laundry tomorrow, and homework of course!!! School is still #1 important, with my DIET and being skinny following  as #2, and clothes and material objects following at #3. Beauty is #4. I have to go upload songs on my iPod now!!! later of course, for the next two weeks i'll be extremely bitchy as I'll be like starving myself to thinness but WORTH IT (Comment on this)
Monday, December 10th, 2007
12:05 pm	december is down month oh well even though i maxed out my credit card, skipped too much school and ate too many cookies--i still think ihave hope in life!!! hope is good for sumthin....right? i need o obviously come up with some diet plan i've been so busy spending money on a new look--burning $$$ on hair products, clothes, accessories....trying to just BE someone else. i neglected everything else in my life like school and stuff. even tho looking unique, original and distinguished is important--school and being successful is to and successful in my diet too! i made the awful mistake of buying very brightly dyed christmas Voortman cookies and hot dogs on my last grocery list. i am the only one in the house eaten the super sugary things!!!! uggggh! my veggie/fruit in take? um..not so high. yeah. water in take? OKAY. CONSIDERING i drink 3 cups before bed, hopefully that compensats for the starbucks i drink but no more starbucks, im broke as a donkey ! its terrible being broke i had to actually go look for a job but working is a good way to make friends---maybe even fall in luv!  my luv life SUCKS.......................A LOT! REALLY. i mean, whats the point of spending so much time looking good and noone cares haha. im glad i begun to have a consistent look--like makup/hair and stuff. its high mainenance tho so i have to wake up early and have the patience and energy to put my contacts in, eyelashes on, makeup, straighten my hair, etc etc. goooosh. and being skinny is the most important part of my look. do you know HOW depressed i was to put a hat on and my face was all blubbery and fat?! i couldnt even wear jeans, i had to wear my david bitton pants. i wish i weighed the amount i did when i was sick. how do i go back to that? i already ate a half bowl of muslix and 3 nature valley granola bars , 2 cups of water, 1 cup of mint tea and im hungry!!! im thinkin wen i get home.....i should do portion control! i'll have a 1/4 plate of boiled veggies and 2 tiny chicken wings for lunch, nothing 4 dinner.!!!!!!!!! water water water to flush out the pasta i ate sat. night and the cookies sat and sun night.  if my grades were higher in school and i had moe credits, i'd feel loads better and wouldntbe atthe mall so much buying stuff to mask my insecuritis. :( only one way to get there....and complaining isnt that way! c ya soon Current Mood: blah Current Music: dance dance fall out boy (Comment on this)
Tuesday, December 4th, 2007
1:32 pm	Doing So-So Hey, been sick from some intestinal dehydration uggggh.. all weekend. Missed Hedley concert =(  luckily...ironically...being sick caused me to eat not much more than prunes & water for 3 days so the outcome of that is that my size one jeans fit just nicely with a little extra room today =). so far, i've had unsweetened yogurt with strawberry jam and honey, 2 bananas some grapes, 1 starbucks caramel frapuccino and a starbucks egg nog latte venti. i am planning on just drinking water tonight. i need at least 2 cups for every coffee i drink, and at least 2L so i dont get intestintal dehydration again and need an enema (grossss) again. there is still one gurl in my school who is tinier than me by like 7lbs it hink. it is my goal to be tinier than her by the new year grrrr her. i hate not being the thinnest in the room :(, i believe she has genetics on her side but that is no matter!! using that as an excuse is pathetic! i plan to drink tons of water and cut down on my caffeine altho i am a starbucks addict lol no really..and up my intake of veggies and fruit...for health purposes. i dont have much of an appetite after being sick and i havent weighed myself either....i dont want to look at a scale until i'm out of the 120s. it may take a couple weeks but if i eat more salads, fruit and water i'm sure i'll get there {and lower} in no time!!! then when i go boxing day shopping i can buy more size one jeans :D...i never bought size one jeans before last week!!! maybe one day..size zero? wowwww. i get so jealous when starve pro's like ______ say she cant fit into anythin but abercrombie Kid sizes..what a brag...but it does keep in mind when i think i've done good...its not good enuff and i shud keep going yup yup! i'm really into the Christmas spirit as always, but i know i cant eat much on Christmas cuz boxing day shopping is the next day! Im waking up bright and early...and i probably will go to Sherway Gardens =) they have great stores there.i am not goin to spent more than two fifty. i will probably just buy things i dont even need haha. that sounds like me. anyway, i'm glad with my progress which was totally unintentional and due to the fact i was sick for 4 days. I must cut down on the eggnog and starbucks!!! and i do have a thing for chocolate. i find indulging in shopping and taking hot showers /spa time is a great distraction. sorry for the long entry i havent written in a while!!! =)  well if i hit the gym and do dance for 3x a week, keep drinking a ton of water and stay away from any carbs , sugar and oil i should be able to get out of the fatty 120s by Dec. 15th hopefully!!! unfortunately, then my old clothes won't fit as snug like my hollister shirt is hangin. uggh. then i have to do go shopping yipeeee. at this point, it'd be a good incentive to get a job. :| .....grrr work! but material things are not whats important . i am very very nervous about my applications 2 ryerson and york so now i know they received my applications..if i get an acceptance letter in the mail i'll FREAK (in a good way) and then be very very very very very very very very happy and life will be perfected....and i'll be a size zero one day and live happily ever after and pay off my credit card bill...sneak in sum starbucks and buy a laptop :) if i DONT get accepted....it may turn suicidal...:| i'll be a city slum dweller....i'll be  a nobody......i'll ..i'll never mind that, i WILL get accepted no matter what cuz i says so! its been my dream for 2 years to go there and i know my grades suck lol but there is such thing as miracles...i mean how else does my fat ass fit into size one jeans right? anyway, i have to get going it's a bit chilly out now :) snow on the ground...quite lovely. our christmas tree is up lights and decorations and all that jazz...i like it very much. anyway, everyone is getting along just darling. so life isnt much too stressful, just i must stop skipping film class. i'll write soon hopefully create a veggie stew for the week with carrots and the like. :) hope evryone else that inspires me is stayen strong and stayen pin thin xx (Comment on this)
Thursday, November 29th, 2007
7:37 pm	grrrr  omg i am so miserable + upset +frustrated i had pasta & cookies =(  now i have to do some emergency like..fast tomorrow but im frustrated cuz i have to be with my sister who is ON me to eat eat eat eat just wen im maken lee way *wants to cry* im emotional cuz hormones dussnt help i feel so fat i have 2 like work out n drink tons of water 2nite aww man i'm so awful like WHY did i eat those 7 fatty chocolate chip mr. christie cookies and the pasta at lunch? i cant gain now!! i have to wear tight size 1 jeans. its tight enuff as is, if i gain i'll like rip my pants! and theyre not cheap lol. im so upset. like, why am i such a fuckin failure at everythin? at school, at being organized and saving instead of goin on shoppin sprees and EVERYTHIN I cant even lose weight---like it should be so simple to NOT put sumthin in my mouth. all the effort to make food and stuff...i should avoid it alltogether but somehow...ii still manage to fuckin eat bad stuff!!!!   now i have to punish myself---so not fair but totally worth it and appropriate. now isnt a time to even THINK about slackin...the mere thought will keep this fat glued onto my thighs. i wish i could just stay thin....10 lbs thinner to start with...*cries* im sooooo jealous of thinner ppl right now(im emotional OKAY) fuck i have to d o emergency extreme diettin this weekend..fun..really fucken fun.. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, November 28th, 2007
9:42 am	c'MON, hurry up! I'm having a really good day so far. It's sunny out, is probably why. Wel, it was sunny. Not anymore ha ha I had italian wedding soup for bfast, didn't eat the pasta part . luv the spinach and meatballs in there. i then had a coffee and im haven another cuz im ready to drop dead. starbucks grande capuccino with honey and nutmeg. i'll ask for nonfat this time tho. anyway, im wearin my size one hollister jeans & their skintight! im embarrassed at how tight they are, they need to loosen a bit . i boiled veggies to eat when i get home tonight, which is all im eaten. i worked out for like 15 mins around midnight but i had granola bars and mangos so i guess i just balanced it out. i weight 128lbs this morning which is go** awful!!!! i cant believe i weighed so mcuh..i dont even care if its muscle mass! anyways, i am ready to do extreme dietting to drop some thigh/butt mass so get ready for me being weak bitchy and starving..luckily theres like hardly ne groceries and i am too broke from shopping sprees to grocery shop ha ha so starvin will be easier! anyway good luck to me . time to make these jeans looser and my butt flatter woo hott!  (Comment on this)
Tuesday, November 27th, 2007
6:52 pm	gotta do perfect i'm doing OK..i could be doing better more effort to resist those  granola bars with carbs in it!!! and all that sugar that makes me sluggish and tired...=( but i did drink lemon water, and eat a light bfast...and now im starvin so thats great. gotta be extra careful to fit in to my size one jeans tomorrow. i dont wanna look fat in them! (Comment on this)
Monday, November 26th, 2007
9:47 am	im so hungry!! pre made meals rock. Mum made me a salad with artichoke, olives, pineapple--the works! i had it for bfast with a presimmon fruit and lots of water. then i drank green tea. i have some granola bars and a bit of dry bran incase i get hungry later but im not eatin in the school caf---too tempting!!! i need to really start moving this scale! im so dedicated right now!! ppl stare at me cuz i look so emo..like i shouldnt be emo..i should be like ...all gansgter or sumthin fuck them...i feel medium-chubby , esp. my face. if i pull my pants down low, i appear thinner :) i have 2 do that for another month or so until i lose 12 lbs or so..i/m soo hungry which is good! yesterday i had a bit much which wass why i probly didnt lose..i was hungry cuz i was dopin homework and tryna procrastinate lol....i got home binged on tacos and cake then purged it all up....drank water...if i hadnt had so much at lunch i'd probably have lost a pound but now i know it's not worth it that extra helping of food. its not worth it the next day when i step on the scale and the # is still not lower!!!!!!!!!!!!! time to move it down. by the end of the week, i hope i lost 3 lbs. i'll do sum cardio tonight.  plus, i walk a lot. (Comment on this)
Sunday, November 25th, 2007
9:22 pm	i DONT WANT SOSOI WNAT HELLSYAH i DID OK. I mean, i had a little bit of carbs some thing from my country unknown to the sWestern world...and some more chicken and a few cookies while doing h/w....then i STOPPED eaten....1 fried plaintain and 2 okra (a veggie)....drank i think 5 cups of herbal tea..green and chai.lots of water. more water when i get home. my Mum made me a awesome salad for tomorrow with artichoke..olives..the works! so i'll eat that, drink tons of water!!! and only veggies. may eat chicken 4 dinner. just one piece tho. i feel fat still.....and ugly....erkk  (Comment on this)
2:21 pm	Yesterday I did really well with my prepared meals...the jello didn't turn out but oh well. i had veggies for bfast---boiled carrots & zucchini, went to the mall to shop and brought along green tea, and dry cereal to munch on. i was quite full, but then i met up with my sis and her gf and they INSISTED we had dinner out downtown even though i told them i had Subway for lunch (yea RIGHT) and so the Korean Grill was full , we went to Sushi Sky but i didnt want to eat the sticky rice :( ....even tho they say sushi is healthy...it still has rice--and rice is a carb! i ordered the seafood salad, grilled squid and salmon sushi and munched on their sushi , but i drank tons of water and green tea then once i got home, i tried to purge up as much sushi as i could. i think i got 2 pieces. i didnt gain...so i guess im ok. i had brandy and vodka later on b4 headin out to party....but i think i danced it all off plus walkin in my 4 inch heels...i was starvin when i go thome but i just drank 3 glasses of water.  if i hadnt had the sushi...i could've lost a pound!!!! :( today is going okay. i had boiled beets, olives, tomatos, raw tuna and sum bell pepper for bfast, a half cup of plain yogrut sweetened with honey and some rice krispies in there...and 2-3 glasses of water. for lunch, a small piece of stewed chicken with plaintain, cucumber and tomatoe. 1 cookie. nothing else tonight but liquids....ginger juice and water. i am still hungry but i have homework so i'll stay busy!!! self control! self control!!!!! must be thinner!! (Comment on this)
Saturday, November 24th, 2007
1:14 am	SOOOOO EMO TODAY God so like i'm so glad i'm gay cuz guys are honestly fuckn FUCKED . i hate guys. it hink their just ugugggh *angry face* they make me soooo mad. i was sooo depressed 2 nite. why am i not on a date? i feel  sooo ugly my face is so ugly and im fat i boiled carrots n beets to eat tomorrow, prepared all my meals...jello and dry cereal to take with me shopping i need retail therapy man! i need to max out my credit card :( *sniff*. i want abercrombie skinny jeans but i dont wanna buy a size 26 (or 3) i wanna buy a size 0 or size 24! :( and i want lightblue AEO jeans but they dont have any. i hop ei dont spend too mcuh i 've spent a couple hundred on my new makeover like hair stuff and makeup and stuff i still need a couple things but none of it will be worth it if i dont start losin this weight im takin green tea with me shoppin in myventi cup shoppin keeps my mind off food! food is bad! im fat and wide! erk. slit wrists. hopefully, things get better and i'll get hot and sexy and thin . of course, im going to try hard i even hit the gym ! i jogged til my heart felt it would burst!!! i'll get super ultra thinn like nicole richie just watch and WAIT and i'll be beautiful and ppl will love me.  (Comment on this)
Friday, November 23rd, 2007
5:52 pm	hmmm...stuck in a rut much...?  -feel fat -did good in the morning, early day. had granola bars, greeen apple, geen tea, venti starbucks eggnog latte =worked out did aerobics n dance =binged n purged aftr workout , not all of it   =( feel shitty for eatin after ...no self control ugh -working on makeover : chemically straightening my hair and stuff. -feel ugly. its so much work tryna be emo wen im black...my hair txture n lips n face structure ugggggh grrrrr lol. god, why couldnt i be german??? -did i say i lok fat already? my butt n thigh EVERYTHING is just bigger than i need it to be =( tonite im boiling carrots and beets, and i'm eatin only that tomorrow. i wish i just had more self control to combat these hunger pains....i shouldve just drank water after my work out. thats it!!!! i hate the way ppl stare at me in public! when i lose all this gross weight, and i turn my hair into sexy scene hair and make my face look flawlessly gorgeous.....they won't make me feel self concious ever again! god, why couldnt i be beautiful with nice soft silky long hair and a nice bone structure and a cute pert nose and a size 0 , thin lean body?!?! grrrrr. i have to wash the chemicals out my hair and head to the gym...my roomie is already there. i feel lke such a failure for binging!!!!! WHY DID I DO IT...... tME TO sweat sweat sweat off this nasty fat!! (Comment on this)
Thursday, November 22nd, 2007
7:16 pm	-binged & purged 2day =( i was so hungry i eat cereal for bfast and usually take 1 or 2 granola bars to school  then drink tons of water. but i was gone a bit longer since i had a theatre rehearsal got home and BINGED big time so i feel really terrible my weight is goin up, how dissappointing i feel terrible, like a huge failure. im 59Kg now. disgusting =( i mean, i have been trying to drink tons and loads of water forcing myself!! i obviously have to try harder. this weekend i am going to do tons of cardio and drink TONS of water and eat the 2 bags of carrots and beets sitting abandoned in my fridge.... i eat cereal for bfast---is that the cause of my weight gain? cereal says low-fat, high-fibre....good for heart and cholesterol and all that s--t! and it fills me ! i bought 8 boxes of cereal so ihope that is not wat is making me gain weight. if so, i'll have to eat less than a bowl of cereal..maybe half to a quarter bowl of cereal and a plate of fresh fruit for bfast. there are ways to conquer this i will do anything. time to eat smaller portions and drink more water!!!! i'm on the right path.  mia make me slim but ana will make me thin!! (Comment on this)
12:23 am	On 2nd Thought... Looking at my photos over the last like 6 months....I THINK im skinnier than i really am! I'm really wide ! and fat! and my face is really pudgy! and so are my arms! time to do what nicole richie did.....like an EXTREME fuckn makeover. i'll have 2 be my own stylist of course..I can't afford Rachel Zoe ha ha but i do have great taste (smiles all conceitedly). I got to lose like shitloads of weight. like SHITLOADS....i mean i know 20 lbs was my goal but now i SERIOUSLY gotta get there not just slack off after 2 -3 lbs are gone......its serious now. reaaaal serious. xx  (Comment on this)
Wednesday, November 21st, 2007
8:19 pm	And That Was That So my lesbian obsession with Sweetie has come to a undramatic and subtle end. So, she has nothing romantic to do with me and wants to just live her life and be happy. That's great. I know now, it is my turn to enjoy the times we had together and now move on and find my own true love and enjoy my life now. I think she's cool, and she was attractive but I'm definitley over the heart break. Sure, it took 5 months and the 4 months of us being apart has been hard on me, but I'm sure I'll continue meeting great people and one day...meet the right gurl for me. xx binged today. so im punishing myself by drinking 3L of water. and eating A LOT less tomorrow. maybe some veggies and fruit. no carbs whatsoever or anything sugary. tons of teas. im sorry.  (Comment on this)
10:28 am	its too late, i shouldnt have slacked yesterday. ugggh. 2-3L of water today and maybe some cardio in the evening. =( stupid stupid stupid stupid me! my jeans are so ridiculously tight =( i guess i'll have to eat a pizza pocket and a sausage another night, definitely not tinight. the scale went up grrr i shouldnt have had the sushi, the cereal AND the jam sandwich thats all carbs. now i know though, i had cereal n 2 gran. bars. drinking water for the rest of the day and may have a snack tonight. a very very very very small snack. i'll get back on track, im sorry for being such a slacke.r iam such a disgrace but it'll go back down in the next couple days...and even lower. i didnt realise how fast i could gain weight . yeck (Comment on this)